Memoirs of a Bridesmaid

I left Russell Springs on Thursday morning for the mountains of Letcher County in Eastern Kentucky for my college roommate--and one of my best friends--wedding. After 3 plus hours on the road--and winding up and down mountain roads (DUSTY mountain roads I might add) I finally arrived at the Jenkins Country Club to find the bride-to-be and her family elbow deep in reception decorations, so I rolled up my sleeves and soon found myself in the middle of feather boas, crystal trees and loads of candy. The bride--who I will refer to as either Jessica or Joder depending on my mood--rescued me from the decorations and took me to the church so we could just WATCH the professionals decorate the church. Now, from the outside, this looked like just a normal old church; the sign said it was built in 1913. But, when we walked in the sanctuary, it was AMAZING! The stained glass windows were huge and absolutely gorgeous. Jessica told me that these windows came over from Italy and that they've tried to have them insured but can't because they are virtually priceless. On the outside, the windows have these ugly thick grey window coverings so that the stained glass won't be broken. Family ties aside, I understood completely why she wanted to get married here. I snapped out of my awe stricken state to get back to work for there were things to do--pulpits to move and arguments to be had over candelabras. Don't people know the bride is always right?! Finally, we call it a night and make the 30 minute trip to Pikeville where we are staying with Jessica's mom.

Day 2: Friday, October 3rd. I wake at 7:45 am and decide that although I look like a skank, I don't care because I'm just heading back to Jenkins for more DECORATING! First though, I had to go to the bridal store and pick up a bridesmaid's dress and Jessica's wedding dress. Then, I drive the 30 minutes to Jenkins. I arrive in Jenkins and am immediately assigned the task of driving into Whitesburg (also a town in Letcher County) to take Jessica's sister Emily to get her eyebrows waxed. Emily is very quiet, and as a big talker, quiet people make me nervous so we basically rode in silence to "The Copper Comb" which we later find out wasn't the hair shop where we were supposed to go. But anyway, the eyebrows got waxed and to make sure there was legitimate silence on the way back, I offered to let 16 year old Emily drive my car back to the country club. I was quiet...she was quiet...and we arrived in one piece; I call that MAJOR SUCCESS.

Now, back at the country club there were chargers to be put on each table, water goblets to be placed 'just so' and a million other little details to see to...all while the groom relaxes on the golf course as his BIG MAJOR task of 'getting the keg' has been completed. Just goes to show that a woman's work is never done. We realize that the rehearsal is drawing nigh so Jessica and I set out for Neon (yet another town in Letcher County)to the infamous "GRANNY AND PAPAW HOGG'S HOUSE" to shower and get ready for the rehearsal. I mention to Granny that I needed to iron my dress slacks to which she replies, 'just take them off and hand them to me and I'll go throw them in the dryer.' So, I did just what she told me and took refuge in her bedroom until she came back with my nice, warm, wrinkle-free slacks. That's the kind of people they are...they make you feel like family.

The rehearsal and the dinner following was pretty uneventful--not much to tell. I got to catch up with another one of my college roommates--Jessica Childers Morelock and with Jessica Dennis Mullins who is one of my best friends from college as well. We went back to the country to finish up and again hit the sack sometime after midnight.

THE BIG DAY--SATURDAY, OCTOBER 4TH!
I got to sleep until about 8:30/9:00, shower, dry my hair and drive on with all my wedding day supplies to the church. When I get there--YOU GUESSED IT--MORE DECORATING!!!!!! Thankfully though, it was very minimal. Most of the morning was spent being entertained by the flower girl--Lauren Mullins. She is one funny little girl. Lauren's mommy (Jessica Dennis Mullins) sang in the wedding and had us all crying while she was practicing...I love her voice. I tried to upload a video of her singing but it was taking FOREVER! Sorry...just trust me when I say that she is very talented.

We finally dried our eyes and headed back to our holding quarters to finish getting ready. I got my make-up on and then had to get the dress on, but more important than the dress was the SPANX. Jessica Mullins had to help me tuck the Spanx under my bra because I didn't want there to be any slippage going on. Finally I'm in the dress and then it hits me...Jessica Hogg is getting MARRIED! Wow! For as long as I've known Jessica, she's described her fantasy wedding to me--right down to the bouquet and the way she wanted to take her guests and grooms breath when they saw her for the first time in her dress. These are not the things I wanted to think about as I got ready to march down the isle in my burnt orange bridesmaids dress. But, when the time came and I went down that isle, all I could think about was how this truly was her day--the day she has always dreamed of. Then they opened those doors and there she stood with her dad and I couldn't help it--I CRIED LIKE A BABY! It's a good thing i wrapped Kleenex around my flowers. I cried the entire ceremony...partly because my feet were killing me. Thank goodness I was up against a wall so that when the preacher prayed his 23 minute prayer (well it SEEMED that long to me) I could lean up against the wall for a some relief. I'm pretty sure that will look great in the wedding video (sorry!).

As soon as the wedding was over, I kicked off those darned old heels and put on my flip flops; thank the Lord for small blessings. I drove to the reception only to find that I drove there with the sash to my dress hanging out the door of my car. Oh it doesn't stop there...I went to the bathroom and the ties to my corseted back dress went down in the toilet. They were only a little bit wet. I dried them as best I could and got ready to BOOGIE DOWN!! The dancing was great but the videographers had those cameras in our faces all night so I should apologize to the bride and groom now for all the horrible dance moves I came up with that night. I will also apologize for the 'white girl face' I do while dancing. All too soon, we lit our sparklers and sent the newlyweds on their way. However, with as much decorating that had been going on--NO ONE EVEN OFFERED TO DECORATE THE GET-AWAY CAR!! I think the groomsmen let us down on that one. MEN!! Such slackers.

And with that, I do believe my bridesmaids days are over. I have escaped with only having 5-6 dresses in my closet that will never be worn again. Someone should really make a movie about girls that are always the bridesmaid and never the bride and call it something catchy like "5 Dresses"...no, no...5 isn't enough. How about a random number like..."27 Dresses." Seriously, someone should make that movie!

All in all the weekend was a blast. It was good to meet new friends and reacquaint myself with old ones. It was good to see Jessica's dream wedding become a reality and to know that my hot dance moves will forever be immortalized!! CONGRATS MR. AND MRS. SCOTT CARTY!!

check out the wedding pics here!!