Here's a few things to be wary of on the path of life (you can still love 'em though...I do):
Men who wear toupees. This is a sign of vanity and is it really safe for a man to be more vain than a woman?! NOT to be trusted. This also goes for men who wear nail polish and eyeliner. Certainly raises eyebrows...speaking of which...
Women who draw on bad, eyebrows. I can spot a bad drawn-on job from 50 paces. You really have to watch those women who have bleached blond hair and draw on big, black brows. Oh yeah, we've all seen her, and chances are, we're afraid of her. One should be wary of THAT lady simply because it's obvious she doesn't care...to look good...to smack your face...or to steal your husband.
People who bite their nails. Don't trust them in pressure situations; they're nervous.
Use extreme caution when carrying on a conversation with someone who has a catch-phrase. I say this for THEIR safety. How many times can you hear, "ya know what I'm sayin' " before you want to choke that person? After you hear it a couple of times, just excuse yourself from the conversation.
Another person to be wary of is the man/woman who constantly calls you 'sugar,' 'honey,' 'baby,' or 'darlin.' While it's perfectly acceptable in the south to address someone as 'honey' if someone does it repeatedly, it's because they haven't taken the time to learn your name. We are ALL worth our names being remembered. True story.
In the Facebook world--there are tons of people to watch out for and I'll caution you not to become one of the following people:
*The person who posts a picture of every item of food they eat (no. one. cares.)
*The person who has 9400 self portraits (vain? yes. you don't see the hot people doing that by the way)
*The person who feels the need to use completely inappropriate language in every status update (simply a cry out for attention for a person with low self-esteem)
*The person who will cut you down one minute and quote a bible verse the next (by your fruits we shall know you...and your fruit is, well...rotten)
*The person who can't spell worth a darn and they're a TEACHER?!?! or the person who can't differentiate between "you're, your, their, there, too, to, and two." Don't ask this person to help you with your homework.
*The hopeless teenager who has falls in and out of love every week. Would that child's parent PLEASE pay some attention to their child?
*The grown adult who is SO in love that they want the world to know. Here's a newsflash: the world doesn't care. Get a room and tell your mate in private.
*The person who re-posts a picture of a mutilated child in hopes that Facebook will donate money to help them get a new face/leg/eyeball...guess what? Facebook isn't The Peace Corps or The Red Cross.
Now, having said all that, let me say this: I love people. I am fascinated by people and the little idiosyncrasies that make us each unique. So, I don't want people to change--I want us all to just be who we are and be proud of who we are. In essence, embrace your toupee, and your big, bad eyebrows if that makes you happy...I certainly don't care--heck, I'm entertained by you and I love you, sugar...honey...baby...darlin' !!!!
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
Wild As An Outhouse Rat
I've been thinking...and I've been listening and here is a burning question. Just HOW wild is an outhouse rat?
My mom said to me last week, "he's always been wilder than an outhouse rat" in reference to someone living hard. That got me to thinking about rats...and outhouses. The first I want NO run-ins with and the second, I'm actually pretty familiar with. When I was 3, my dad was called to pastor a little country church with no indoor plumbing, so between Sunday School and preaching, the women would make the trek to the 'outhouse.' It was a two-seater which in itself is odd to me--the women would just go just two by two in the outhouse, do their business, carry on a conversation, pull up their drawers and think nothing of it. I get the nervous bladder now when I think there's someone in the stall next to me, so how on earth I could use the outhouse then with someone on the 'hole' next to me baffles me still. One of the older ladies would always say to me, "Don't forget to flush." Nothing like a little church outhouse humor.
That got me to thinking about outhouses...did you know that in Australia they're called "Thunderboxes?" I'd say! In New Zealand "Long Drops"...and if you were rich your outhouse was made of brick thus the saying, "she's built like a brick #@$%house." (who says my blog isn't educational)??!!!
So back to my original question...just how wild IS an outhouse rat? Some would say that the saying refers to a crazy person and not an actual rat in the outhouse, but I'm not convinced. I think if I were a rat and my home was an outhouse, I'd probably be pretty wild--wild about escaping!
This is my random thought of the day...be careful out there so as not to be accused of being "wild as an outhouse rat."
My mom said to me last week, "he's always been wilder than an outhouse rat" in reference to someone living hard. That got me to thinking about rats...and outhouses. The first I want NO run-ins with and the second, I'm actually pretty familiar with. When I was 3, my dad was called to pastor a little country church with no indoor plumbing, so between Sunday School and preaching, the women would make the trek to the 'outhouse.' It was a two-seater which in itself is odd to me--the women would just go just two by two in the outhouse, do their business, carry on a conversation, pull up their drawers and think nothing of it. I get the nervous bladder now when I think there's someone in the stall next to me, so how on earth I could use the outhouse then with someone on the 'hole' next to me baffles me still. One of the older ladies would always say to me, "Don't forget to flush." Nothing like a little church outhouse humor.
That got me to thinking about outhouses...did you know that in Australia they're called "Thunderboxes?" I'd say! In New Zealand "Long Drops"...and if you were rich your outhouse was made of brick thus the saying, "she's built like a brick #@$%house." (who says my blog isn't educational)??!!!
So back to my original question...just how wild IS an outhouse rat? Some would say that the saying refers to a crazy person and not an actual rat in the outhouse, but I'm not convinced. I think if I were a rat and my home was an outhouse, I'd probably be pretty wild--wild about escaping!
This is my random thought of the day...be careful out there so as not to be accused of being "wild as an outhouse rat."
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
A Few Things I Miss
What a world we live in! We just keep evolving and growing and trying new, bold things and I'm not always sure that progress is indeed progress. From the way we dress, to the way we work, to the way live...we think we've got it made, but do we really?
I was off work last Monday in observance of Martin Luther King day, I turned to the History Channel and was intrigued by the MLK coverage. I wanted my nieces and nephews to sit down and watch with me in hope that they would learn something about him and understand why they were on a one day vacation. What struck me as interesting was that they were talking about these poor--I mean the poorest of poor--black southern people and these people were dressed to the nines. Men in suits and hats, women in hats and heels and pearls clutching a 'pocketbook.' I miss the time when people took pride in their appearance. What would they say about what we wear and call progress today? Half naked women with a slit up to there, boys in loose jeans with their butts hanging out--is THAT progress? Hardly. Even the people once considered the lowest class wouldn't be caught dead in the garbs we find acceptable today. And I'll say this too, unless you've been in the hen house--there is no need for anyone to have a feather in their hair. Seriously?
I miss the time when daddies worked and mommas stayed home and raised the babies.
I miss the time where children were raised to say, ''Yes ma'am" and "No ma'am." That's always a sign of a good raisin'.
I miss the time of wooden dentures (just kidding about that). Lighten up.
I do not miss jelly shoes. Or pantyhose in plastic eggs which consequently I would put under my shirt and pretend they were boobs...the eggs, not the pantyhose; one was always bigger than the other.
I miss the time when kids were happy playing with eggs that pantyhose came in.
I miss parents who, when their daughter wanted fake fingernails as a child told her, 'just pretend' and that child wore scotch tape on her nails. No fake nails for kids, please.
I miss the time where people visited. How long has it been since you dropped by a friends house? How long has it been since you've seen your cousins? Trust me when I say this--a true friend or loving family member can visit anytime unannounced. Get out and visit...time is swiftly passing. You'll never regret it.
I miss the time when tonka trucks, little play tractors, baby dolls, board games and crayons were THE things to play with. Sadly they've been replaced with DS games, Wii, Playstations and our imaginations are dull. Kids are smarter, but in a different way.
I miss the time when men, were men. No holes in their ears, no eyeliner, no fingernail polish.
Progress is neither swift nor easy, but is inevitable. I just want everyone to slow down, embrace the moment and not worry so much about tomorrow for it may never come.
I was off work last Monday in observance of Martin Luther King day, I turned to the History Channel and was intrigued by the MLK coverage. I wanted my nieces and nephews to sit down and watch with me in hope that they would learn something about him and understand why they were on a one day vacation. What struck me as interesting was that they were talking about these poor--I mean the poorest of poor--black southern people and these people were dressed to the nines. Men in suits and hats, women in hats and heels and pearls clutching a 'pocketbook.' I miss the time when people took pride in their appearance. What would they say about what we wear and call progress today? Half naked women with a slit up to there, boys in loose jeans with their butts hanging out--is THAT progress? Hardly. Even the people once considered the lowest class wouldn't be caught dead in the garbs we find acceptable today. And I'll say this too, unless you've been in the hen house--there is no need for anyone to have a feather in their hair. Seriously?
I miss the time when daddies worked and mommas stayed home and raised the babies.
I miss the time where children were raised to say, ''Yes ma'am" and "No ma'am." That's always a sign of a good raisin'.
I miss the time of wooden dentures (just kidding about that). Lighten up.
I do not miss jelly shoes. Or pantyhose in plastic eggs which consequently I would put under my shirt and pretend they were boobs...the eggs, not the pantyhose; one was always bigger than the other.
I miss the time when kids were happy playing with eggs that pantyhose came in.
I miss parents who, when their daughter wanted fake fingernails as a child told her, 'just pretend' and that child wore scotch tape on her nails. No fake nails for kids, please.
I miss the time where people visited. How long has it been since you dropped by a friends house? How long has it been since you've seen your cousins? Trust me when I say this--a true friend or loving family member can visit anytime unannounced. Get out and visit...time is swiftly passing. You'll never regret it.
I miss the time when tonka trucks, little play tractors, baby dolls, board games and crayons were THE things to play with. Sadly they've been replaced with DS games, Wii, Playstations and our imaginations are dull. Kids are smarter, but in a different way.
I miss the time when men, were men. No holes in their ears, no eyeliner, no fingernail polish.
Progress is neither swift nor easy, but is inevitable. I just want everyone to slow down, embrace the moment and not worry so much about tomorrow for it may never come.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
The New Year is Here...Let's Catch Up
Having just read a delightful blog entry by my friend Tracy, I decided that maybe I should re-enter the blogging world; if for nothing else a creative writing release. I do wonder, who reads this anyway? And, who cares?
I haven't blogged since August and since then, life as I know it has forever been changed. In September, my dad's mom (MaMa Hart) fell down her basement steps and broke her shoulder. She went to the nursing home for rehab and was doing very well. She was content and really seemed to enjoy the company that the nursing brought. On October the 29th I was standing in the clerk's office getting ready to vote absentee when my mom rushed in and said that my dad called and MaMa Hart passed away. I was sad for me, but I was so sad for my dad. It doesn't matter how old you are--your momma, is your momma and you will always love her and always need her. We buried her in her red suit--just like she wanted--and I must say, she looked beautiful. She always loved jewelry and makeup and clothes; I'd like to think that I got that from her.
Ten short days after my MaMa passed away, came the biggest shock of my life. My dad passed away. I don't care how old you are--your daddy, is your daddy and you will always love him and need him. There really are no words that can describe the gamut of feelings I've felt since that day, so I won't even attempt it. While I know that he's at peace and the cancer that plagued his body is no more, it doesn't fill the void of knowing that my dad will never walk me down the isle; my dad will never hold my children; my dad isn't here. Oh sure, in spirit he's here...he's everywhere. Someone once told me that the veil between heaven and earth is so thin--that why couldn't he be here? Of course he can. So, in honor of my dad--we continue to live...we continue to love...and we continue to press on knowing that one day, we shall inherit what he already has.
Anyway, in the famous words of Annelle from my favorite movie, "Steel Magnolias"..."there are still good times to be had." In the midst of sadness, this is so true. Whether we like it or not, life does go on. We can either live with the changes or stay marred down in self pity. I choose to live and to love with every fiber of my being...and that's a loooooot of fiber!!
I haven't blogged since August and since then, life as I know it has forever been changed. In September, my dad's mom (MaMa Hart) fell down her basement steps and broke her shoulder. She went to the nursing home for rehab and was doing very well. She was content and really seemed to enjoy the company that the nursing brought. On October the 29th I was standing in the clerk's office getting ready to vote absentee when my mom rushed in and said that my dad called and MaMa Hart passed away. I was sad for me, but I was so sad for my dad. It doesn't matter how old you are--your momma, is your momma and you will always love her and always need her. We buried her in her red suit--just like she wanted--and I must say, she looked beautiful. She always loved jewelry and makeup and clothes; I'd like to think that I got that from her.
Ten short days after my MaMa passed away, came the biggest shock of my life. My dad passed away. I don't care how old you are--your daddy, is your daddy and you will always love him and need him. There really are no words that can describe the gamut of feelings I've felt since that day, so I won't even attempt it. While I know that he's at peace and the cancer that plagued his body is no more, it doesn't fill the void of knowing that my dad will never walk me down the isle; my dad will never hold my children; my dad isn't here. Oh sure, in spirit he's here...he's everywhere. Someone once told me that the veil between heaven and earth is so thin--that why couldn't he be here? Of course he can. So, in honor of my dad--we continue to live...we continue to love...and we continue to press on knowing that one day, we shall inherit what he already has.
Anyway, in the famous words of Annelle from my favorite movie, "Steel Magnolias"..."there are still good times to be had." In the midst of sadness, this is so true. Whether we like it or not, life does go on. We can either live with the changes or stay marred down in self pity. I choose to live and to love with every fiber of my being...and that's a loooooot of fiber!!
Monday, August 29, 2011
"Freeborn Man"
I haven't blogged in a "coons age" and we southerners know that means it's been a looooong time. There is no way I can write about everything that has happened since the last blog so I'll just start fresh and tell you about a cool experience I had last week.
I'll preface this by saying that I'm a big talker. If you know me, you already know this. I will talk to anyone, anytime, anyplace; mostly because I'm nosy and I believe that everyone has a unique story. I'd like to think of myself as another version of Oprah...the Conservative, Severely Underpaid Oprah (sans Steadman of course). So, last week I'm in Louisville at a training and am staying at the Hyatt downtown. Now this is a nice set-up: I'm close to 4th Street Live which I love and the Louisville Ironman was going on last week so all those hot, hard-bodied athletes were staying at my hotel. Needless to say, I gawked and drooled and drooled and gawked the whole week. I had never seen so many pretty legs in all my life! But that isn't the cool part. After dinner one night, Rhonda, Denise, Jamie (the Columbai girls) and myself (the lone Russell Countian) return to the hotel to just 'chill' for a few. We walk into the lobby and spot an older gentleman who is dressed a bit eccentric for his age. Jamie is certain that it's Bruce Jenner's brother. He sits alone in the lobby, so in true Oprah fashion, I sit down across from him and strike up a conversation. Long story short he tells me that he's in town because he's playing in a band at the state fair. I asked if he was in a band that maybe I'd heard of...he says I'm too young (got to love that) to remember the 1960's (and he's right, I don't even remember the 70's). I told him to not underestimate me because I'm a music lover and that I even love bluegrass music so I feel like I'm pretty well rounded. He then tells me that he is a member of Paul Revere and the Raiders (who?) AND that his name is Mark Lindsay AND that he wrote a little song called "Freeborn Man." Uh HELLO!! That is like a bluegrass anthem! So my ears perk up, and I sing the first line to him, "I was born in the southland" to which he finishes the line by singing, "twenty some odd years ago" and in unison we sing, "I ran away for the first time when I was only 4 year old I'm a freeborn man!"
That was a bizarre experience if you ask me.
Friday, November 13, 2009
I Suck at Blogging
Seeing as how I haven't blogged since January makes me question my existence in the 'blog world.' Who reads this stuff anyway? Aren't you keeping up with me on facebook already?
Quick recap of the past 10 months.
January: Saw Doyle Lawson & Quicksilver in Cookeville. Made a funny memory in the bathroom (I'll tell you about it later). Went to Murray, Ky and ate my first sushi (Thanks Adam Scott)...it wasn't bad at all. I actually want to try it again. Had a very fun time at the cabin with my fellow Dunnville Hornets (quote of the year from Mary Ann, "I'm SO upset!") Met two new wonderful friends (Tonnie and MaryAnn). Thanks Tracy for the introductions.
February: Went to Nashville to the Station Inn to see Luke Bulla and Bryan Sutton. Fun times. Heard the "Dick Reunion" Story and laughed until I hurt. I STILL laugh when thinking about it.
March: Reconnected with some wonderful former Somerset Physical Therapy co-workers.
April: Went to Keeneland and met "Dick in the Box." I wonder how old Dick is now...and I wonder if he misses me. Attended Lifesavers conference in Louisville--HAD A BLAST, but how could you NOT have a good time when you're with Eunice?
May: Fell apart this month...why do we get so torn up over boys? Started putting things back together when the girls hit Bonita Beach WIDE open for Tonnie's 40 and Fabulous beach tour. It was a much, much, MUCH needed break from life in Kentucky. Oh, and how could I forget? Shelley Haynes and I made our CMT video debut in Steve Azar's "Moo La Moo" video shoot at Mercy Lounge in Nashville.
June: MC'd pageants at the fair, joined my fellow Dunnville Hornets in Georgetown for a fun weekend, wrecked a staff car in Hazard and found out how crazy people really can be.
July: Relay for Life...benefit for a co-workers husband...working my tail off before the bluegrass festival.
August: Waterpark, Dunnville Hornets reunion at the cabin, BLUEGRASS FESTIVAL--YEAR 6--HUGE SUCCESS...turned 30...big birthday bash in Nashville with Tracy, Tonnie, MA, Deb and Jen.
September: Dock Party (what a night) with Kara, Adam, Derek, Amber, Luke and Richie...crash my fellow hornet Tracie's wedding (still waiting for Mary Ann to post pics)...spent the weekend with my college roommate, Jessica...and had a fun night of cornhole at Brooke and Bryan's. Oh, and I had a delightful lunch with Claudette (another former co-worker at Somerset Physical Therapy).
October: Attend high school classmate and friend, Josh Root's wedding...1st birthday party of a very special set of twins (Caroline and Courtney Haynes)...worked the Four Roses leg of the Bourbon Chase Relay Race with my college roommate...
November (so far...13 days in)...found out my best friend Kara is HAVING ANOTHER BABY!
Yes, in ways it's been a tough year. Seems like I've felt things I've never felt before and experienced things I never care to experience again. However, there are a few constants that remain --my wonderful family, my oh-so-sweet- nieces and nephews, my fabulous girlfriends--that make the one curve ball much more bearable.
At the beginning of this year, the things I thought would happen, haven't. Part of that is my own fault. I may have lost the battle, but I didn't lose the lesson. I've learned from things that's happened this year and am better for it. Maybe next year I won't set my goals so high...or maybe I just won't let my goals hinge on someone else. In 10 more months, I'll let you know how that works out for me.
Quick recap of the past 10 months.
January: Saw Doyle Lawson & Quicksilver in Cookeville. Made a funny memory in the bathroom (I'll tell you about it later). Went to Murray, Ky and ate my first sushi (Thanks Adam Scott)...it wasn't bad at all. I actually want to try it again. Had a very fun time at the cabin with my fellow Dunnville Hornets (quote of the year from Mary Ann, "I'm SO upset!") Met two new wonderful friends (Tonnie and MaryAnn). Thanks Tracy for the introductions.
February: Went to Nashville to the Station Inn to see Luke Bulla and Bryan Sutton. Fun times. Heard the "Dick Reunion" Story and laughed until I hurt. I STILL laugh when thinking about it.
March: Reconnected with some wonderful former Somerset Physical Therapy co-workers.
April: Went to Keeneland and met "Dick in the Box." I wonder how old Dick is now...and I wonder if he misses me. Attended Lifesavers conference in Louisville--HAD A BLAST, but how could you NOT have a good time when you're with Eunice?
May: Fell apart this month...why do we get so torn up over boys? Started putting things back together when the girls hit Bonita Beach WIDE open for Tonnie's 40 and Fabulous beach tour. It was a much, much, MUCH needed break from life in Kentucky. Oh, and how could I forget? Shelley Haynes and I made our CMT video debut in Steve Azar's "Moo La Moo" video shoot at Mercy Lounge in Nashville.
June: MC'd pageants at the fair, joined my fellow Dunnville Hornets in Georgetown for a fun weekend, wrecked a staff car in Hazard and found out how crazy people really can be.
July: Relay for Life...benefit for a co-workers husband...working my tail off before the bluegrass festival.
August: Waterpark, Dunnville Hornets reunion at the cabin, BLUEGRASS FESTIVAL--YEAR 6--HUGE SUCCESS...turned 30...big birthday bash in Nashville with Tracy, Tonnie, MA, Deb and Jen.
September: Dock Party (what a night) with Kara, Adam, Derek, Amber, Luke and Richie...crash my fellow hornet Tracie's wedding (still waiting for Mary Ann to post pics)...spent the weekend with my college roommate, Jessica...and had a fun night of cornhole at Brooke and Bryan's. Oh, and I had a delightful lunch with Claudette (another former co-worker at Somerset Physical Therapy).
October: Attend high school classmate and friend, Josh Root's wedding...1st birthday party of a very special set of twins (Caroline and Courtney Haynes)...worked the Four Roses leg of the Bourbon Chase Relay Race with my college roommate...
November (so far...13 days in)...found out my best friend Kara is HAVING ANOTHER BABY!
Yes, in ways it's been a tough year. Seems like I've felt things I've never felt before and experienced things I never care to experience again. However, there are a few constants that remain --my wonderful family, my oh-so-sweet- nieces and nephews, my fabulous girlfriends--that make the one curve ball much more bearable.
At the beginning of this year, the things I thought would happen, haven't. Part of that is my own fault. I may have lost the battle, but I didn't lose the lesson. I've learned from things that's happened this year and am better for it. Maybe next year I won't set my goals so high...or maybe I just won't let my goals hinge on someone else. In 10 more months, I'll let you know how that works out for me.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Happy New Year!!
Oh gosh...I am so glad it's the new year! I am soooo over 2008. It really wasn't a year to remember for me. Not one to linger in the past, half of 2008 was spent in emotional turmoil over my dad's lung cancer/chemotherapy and honestly the rest was just somewhat of a blur. Oh sure, there were a few bright spots; the festival was a success, I made new friends, reconnected with some old friends, saw one of my best friends tie the knot and another give birth to her first--much anticipated--child. But, I am ready for 2009 and the potential it has to be my best year ever. You know, I'm turning the big 3-0 in 2009 and with my old age has come some wisdom.
This is what I vow for the new year:
The knowledge and understanding that 'MEN ARE LIKE TRAINS...THERE'S ALWAYS ANOTHER ONE.' If he doesn't treat me the way I deserve to be treated--then someone else will. No more of this 'waiting on him to change' business...that just doesn't happen.
Attitude is everything. I can make any situation better--or worse--depending on how I react to it.
I am the only one that can make me happy. I will no longer begrudge happy couples--or happy parents--of their happiness simply because I'm jealous. If I'm not happy to begin with, having the things I most long for wouldn't make me happy either.
I'm going to learn how to sew. I'm going to make something cool too.
I'm going to listen to as many old stories from my parents and relatives as I can. I could even write those stores down.
I'm going to study more American History...and read less romance (no wonder we women are never satisfied! We compare men to the MADE-UP men in books).
And finally, I'm going to just love life and meet 2009 head on--ready for whatever lay in store for me. As Tim McGraw would say, "I'm an Indian Outlaw"...oh no...wrong song, "Cry a Little Less...Laugh a Little More"...NOW we're talking.
This is what I vow for the new year:
The knowledge and understanding that 'MEN ARE LIKE TRAINS...THERE'S ALWAYS ANOTHER ONE.' If he doesn't treat me the way I deserve to be treated--then someone else will. No more of this 'waiting on him to change' business...that just doesn't happen.
Attitude is everything. I can make any situation better--or worse--depending on how I react to it.
I am the only one that can make me happy. I will no longer begrudge happy couples--or happy parents--of their happiness simply because I'm jealous. If I'm not happy to begin with, having the things I most long for wouldn't make me happy either.
I'm going to learn how to sew. I'm going to make something cool too.
I'm going to listen to as many old stories from my parents and relatives as I can. I could even write those stores down.
I'm going to study more American History...and read less romance (no wonder we women are never satisfied! We compare men to the MADE-UP men in books).
And finally, I'm going to just love life and meet 2009 head on--ready for whatever lay in store for me. As Tim McGraw would say, "I'm an Indian Outlaw"...oh no...wrong song, "Cry a Little Less...Laugh a Little More"...NOW we're talking.
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