This is MY Year!

It is about time.  It is long overdue.  It is past time for me to focus on me.  And that is exactly what I'm doing in 2014.  With age comes wisdom and most recently what I've learned is that you cannot put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket.  "Can't nobody make me happy; can't nobody make me sad."  So, with that being said, I decided to quit trying to look for happiness somewhere else. I need to make me happy and to be happy, I need to look better and feel better.

I have been overweight my whole life.  My sister would say that I was even an usually fat baby.  (I cannot believe I am going to type this).  I just reached the point where I was miserable.  I knew that I had to change.  So, starting January 1st,  I started eating better--no soft drinks, more whole grains, more veggies, and things I thought I'd never eat regularly like hummus, Greek yogurt, and turkey burgers/turkey sausage.  Aaaaannnnnnddddd...I bought an elliptical machine so I've been exercising.  The first day I got on I thought I might have a stroke. I honestly thought I could hop on and immediately start back where I left off years ago when I frequented the gym and did 5 miles in 45 minutes.  Wrong.  Very wrong.  The good news was, I had some amazing motivation.  First, there were some people in my own family who laughed at me when I told them of my plan for a healthier me.  I will prove them wrong.  Then, there was motivation of which we will not speak as it goes back to putting the key to my happiness in someone else's pocket.  Never again, but most mornings it does drive me to sweat it out. 

Now, I'm not saying I'm Jillian Michaels, but I do feel better and have lost a little weight to boot.  It's going to be a long, slow process, but I will do it.  I have to do it.  I have amazing friends who have been my cheerleaders--I can't thank them enough.  Who knows, by the time I blog again, you might not even recognize me. 

Total and Complete Randomness

In true Moochie Hart fashion...it's been a while.  The first 8 months of 2013 have passed all too quickly--I can hardly keep up! Here's a quick run-down:

January:  My New Years Resolution was to exercise more.  I exercised 3 days with my niece Maggie.  Epic FAIL! I also resolved to attend Wednesday night church services more frequently.  I actually have been doing pretty good at that one, so...score one for me. And finally, the highlight of January was when I hung my foot in my purse strap getting out of the car at church and, you guessed it, fell out into the parking lot.  It all happened so quickly that I might have said a word completely inappropriate for church.  Natalie was so upset about it that she requested prayer for me in her Sunday School class. I needed the prayers for sure.

February:  Kendall & Katie Carty (my college roommates twins) had their first birthday party.  I fell down in Kohl's after the party--my mom and Maggie witnessed the whole thing.  We laughed until we cried and Maggie insisted that they'd watch the security cameras later and replay my crash over and over and over.  She was probably right.  Just one more reason for me to never show my face there again. The highlight of the month had to be a last minute invitation to the UK vs. Missouri basketball game at Rupp with Gina Campbell Baker.  We cheered our Cats on to an overtime victory.  They couldn't have done it without us. 

March:  Nothing too exciting happened in March apparently.  As a UK fan, there certainly wasn't any March Madness going around, only devastation when Louisville won the national championship.  I have some very good friends who are Cards fans, so I'll just stop right there.

April:  Cass turned 10 and George Jones dies--all on the same day.  More devastation.  I cried like a baby watching his funeral!!

May: Operation Hoarders starts!  My mother insisted that we clean out the basement and remodel some of the upstairs in preparation for her knee replacement surgery.  Lord. Have. Mercy.  My dad was a hoarder before hoarding was cool.  Over 40 years of junk to go through and my dad I'm sure was laughing from the grave.  He saved everything! The original toilet that was in put in our house back in 1976 was sitting in the basement...broken...but taking up space because my dad wouldn't throw it away.  We filled up a dumpster and have partially filled another and there's more to go. 

June:  My mom has her knee surgery and did very well.  I ended up with a staph infection on my face and it was gross...but intriguing as well (if you love to pick at things and I do).

July:  eh..busy with work and with the bluegrass festival.  blah.

August:   A very successful RWAYH2 on August 10th and a very successful year 10 of the Lake Cumberland Bluegrass Festival.  Now, I can breathe easier and hopefully sleep a little better at night!!

Cass and Eli are showing cattle, Natalie is playing softball ALL the time, and Maggie is in the high school marching band.  They keep my hopping, but I realize that all too soon, they'll be "big" and won't want to hang out with their old Aunt Moochie so I'm trying to spend every single minute I can with them and I cherish every second I'm with them.  They are the very best part of me.

 Anyway, Life is busy. Life is full.  Life is good. I'm anxious to see where the next few months lead me...I'm just glad to be along for the ride.

It's Almost Christmas...

Hey Jack! It's almost Christmas, or the end of the world if you believe that crazy Mayan prediction.  Either way, I'm prepared.  My shopping is finished, my gifts are wrapped and I'm so excited to watch my nieces and nephews tear into their presents! In spite of the hurt the Hart family has felt over the past year, I realize how completely blessed I am; there's food on my table, a roof over my head, clothes on my back, love in my heart and peace in my soul.  What more could a girl ask for?

I used to hear people talk about heaven and how they longed to go and I always thought they were a little over anxious.  I mean, hellooooooo...I'd rather live, right? But, the older I get, and the more I miss my family that has passed, I totally get it.  Heaven really does sound and feels sweeter every single day.  It really does create a longing in which I really cannot describe.  Just last week I had two very vivid dreams about my MaMa Coffey.  Now, if you know me, you know that my MaMa Coffey was the berries; she was the icing on my childhood cake...the sweet little old lady who always made you feel loved and welcomed.  Oh how I miss her! She's been gone since 1998 and I just cannot wait to see her again!! Then I think about my PaPa Coffey who passed before my parents were even married--to think that he will know me and I'll know him too.  Talk about a first meeting!  And of course, what a great reunion too with my dad and his parents...and Sarah...and my MaMa Coffey...it's all so exciting to think about, so it seems that I too have turned into one of those people who long to go.  It's not at all scary, but like I said, a very real longing. 

Whew, that was random. 

So, who watches "Duck Dynasty" on A&E?  Best. Show. On. TV.  I'm hooked.  I'm in love with bearded men.  What's not to love?  They're southern (love it), they have dimples (makes me weak), they love God (that's the BEST part), they're funny (do you know me?), and they love their family.  I think I'm a long-lost cousin! I have to say, Uncle Si and Jase are my favorites.  If  you've never watched it...you should. 

Anyway--Merry Christmas! And, should the world end tomorrow, don't worry about me! I'll be hugging, singing, meeting new people and getting reacquainted with some people I've been missing; what a day of rejoicing that will be, Jack! Hey!

Random Thoughts

I guess here lately I've been thinking a lot about my dad; it's hard for me to believe that he's been gone almost 6 months. I still have a hard time referring to him in past tense and I suppose that will just take some getting used to. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him--sometimes with a tear but often with a smile.

I had the distinct pleasure of having my dad be my pastor for a number of years and it's odd what sticks with you. I guess I've heard my dad preach thousands of sermons through the years but there are parts of a few that have really stuck with me. If you knew my dad, you knew he was uber emotional. He was a big man with a big, tender heart. He was the man who, even after watching "Steel Magnolias" numerous times, cried every single time they unhooked Shelby from the machines. He bawled watching "Rudy." He cried at commercials, cried when he heard a moving song, cried when passed the graveyard and saw that they had dug his mothers grave. My dad...the big old softy. He cried every single time he preached and every single time he'd lead in prayer and to me, that means something. To me, it meant he loved deeply and cared much for his family, his friends, his flock. I just don't trust people who don't cry! That just isn't normal!

As the preachers child, we were at church every single time the doors opened. Missing just wasn't an option, so we never even asked to stay home. This may sound bizarre to some, but when that's all you've ever known, it's just the way it is. Some of my most wonderful, moving experiences have been at church and I'm glad that staying home never crossed my mind. Here's a couple of insightful things I distinctly remember my dad preaching about: once he preached about what he called "CEO's." You know--"Christmas and Easter Only" church members. We all know church members like that and it made me chuckle remembering that particular sermon. He also said once that ''we like to sow our wild oats and then pray for crop failure.'' There's a lot of truth in that statement.

Preachers kids have a hard time and this is a fact; if you think we're the wildest/meanest/worst kids ever--it's just because we hang around with the Deacon's kids!!

Don't Trust...

Here's a few things to be wary of on the path of life (you can still love 'em though...I do):

Men who wear toupees. This is a sign of vanity and is it really safe for a man to be more vain than a woman?! NOT to be trusted. This also goes for men who wear nail polish and eyeliner. Certainly raises eyebrows...speaking of which...

Women who draw on bad, eyebrows. I can spot a bad drawn-on job from 50 paces. You really have to watch those women who have bleached blond hair and draw on big, black brows. Oh yeah, we've all seen her, and chances are, we're afraid of her. One should be wary of THAT lady simply because it's obvious she doesn't care...to look good...to smack your face...or to steal your husband.

People who bite their nails. Don't trust them in pressure situations; they're nervous.

Use extreme caution when carrying on a conversation with someone who has a catch-phrase. I say this for THEIR safety. How many times can you hear, "ya know what I'm sayin' " before you want to choke that person? After you hear it a couple of times, just excuse yourself from the conversation.

Another person to be wary of is the man/woman who constantly calls you 'sugar,' 'honey,' 'baby,' or 'darlin.' While it's perfectly acceptable in the south to address someone as 'honey' if someone does it repeatedly, it's because they haven't taken the time to learn your name. We are ALL worth our names being remembered. True story.

In the Facebook world--there are tons of people to watch out for and I'll caution you not to become one of the following people:
*The person who posts a picture of every item of food they eat (no. one. cares.)
*The person who has 9400 self portraits (vain? yes. you don't see the hot people doing that by the way)
*The person who feels the need to use completely inappropriate language in every status update (simply a cry out for attention for a person with low self-esteem)
*The person who will cut you down one minute and quote a bible verse the next (by your fruits we shall know you...and your fruit is, well...rotten)
*The person who can't spell worth a darn and they're a TEACHER?!?! or the person who can't differentiate between "you're, your, their, there, too, to, and two." Don't ask this person to help you with your homework.
*The hopeless teenager who has falls in and out of love every week. Would that child's parent PLEASE pay some attention to their child?
*The grown adult who is SO in love that they want the world to know. Here's a newsflash: the world doesn't care. Get a room and tell your mate in private.
*The person who re-posts a picture of a mutilated child in hopes that Facebook will donate money to help them get a new face/leg/eyeball...guess what? Facebook isn't The Peace Corps or The Red Cross.

Now, having said all that, let me say this: I love people. I am fascinated by people and the little idiosyncrasies that make us each unique. So, I don't want people to change--I want us all to just be who we are and be proud of who we are. In essence, embrace your toupee, and your big, bad eyebrows if that makes you happy...I certainly don't care--heck, I'm entertained by you and I love you, sugar...honey...baby...darlin' !!!!

Wild As An Outhouse Rat

I've been thinking...and I've been listening and here is a burning question. Just HOW wild is an outhouse rat?

My mom said to me last week, "he's always been wilder than an outhouse rat" in reference to someone living hard. That got me to thinking about rats...and outhouses. The first I want NO run-ins with and the second, I'm actually pretty familiar with. When I was 3, my dad was called to pastor a little country church with no indoor plumbing, so between Sunday School and preaching, the women would make the trek to the 'outhouse.' It was a two-seater which in itself is odd to me--the women would just go just two by two in the outhouse, do their business, carry on a conversation, pull up their drawers and think nothing of it. I get the nervous bladder now when I think there's someone in the stall next to me, so how on earth I could use the outhouse then with someone on the 'hole' next to me baffles me still. One of the older ladies would always say to me, "Don't forget to flush." Nothing like a little church outhouse humor.

That got me to thinking about outhouses...did you know that in Australia they're called "Thunderboxes?" I'd say! In New Zealand "Long Drops"...and if you were rich your outhouse was made of brick thus the saying, "she's built like a brick #@$%house." (who says my blog isn't educational)??!!!

So back to my original question...just how wild IS an outhouse rat? Some would say that the saying refers to a crazy person and not an actual rat in the outhouse, but I'm not convinced. I think if I were a rat and my home was an outhouse, I'd probably be pretty wild--wild about escaping!

This is my random thought of the day...be careful out there so as not to be accused of being "wild as an outhouse rat."

A Few Things I Miss

What a world we live in! We just keep evolving and growing and trying new, bold things and I'm not always sure that progress is indeed progress. From the way we dress, to the way we work, to the way live...we think we've got it made, but do we really?

I was off work last Monday in observance of Martin Luther King day, I turned to the History Channel and was intrigued by the MLK coverage. I wanted my nieces and nephews to sit down and watch with me in hope that they would learn something about him and understand why they were on a one day vacation. What struck me as interesting was that they were talking about these poor--I mean the poorest of poor--black southern people and these people were dressed to the nines. Men in suits and hats, women in hats and heels and pearls clutching a 'pocketbook.' I miss the time when people took pride in their appearance. What would they say about what we wear and call progress today? Half naked women with a slit up to there, boys in loose jeans with their butts hanging out--is THAT progress? Hardly. Even the people once considered the lowest class wouldn't be caught dead in the garbs we find acceptable today. And I'll say this too, unless you've been in the hen house--there is no need for anyone to have a feather in their hair. Seriously?

I miss the time when daddies worked and mommas stayed home and raised the babies.

I miss the time where children were raised to say, ''Yes ma'am" and "No ma'am." That's always a sign of a good raisin'.

I miss the time of wooden dentures (just kidding about that). Lighten up.

I do not miss jelly shoes. Or pantyhose in plastic eggs which consequently I would put under my shirt and pretend they were boobs...the eggs, not the pantyhose; one was always bigger than the other.

I miss the time when kids were happy playing with eggs that pantyhose came in.

I miss parents who, when their daughter wanted fake fingernails as a child told her, 'just pretend' and that child wore scotch tape on her nails. No fake nails for kids, please.

I miss the time where people visited. How long has it been since you dropped by a friends house? How long has it been since you've seen your cousins? Trust me when I say this--a true friend or loving family member can visit anytime unannounced. Get out and visit...time is swiftly passing. You'll never regret it.

I miss the time when tonka trucks, little play tractors, baby dolls, board games and crayons were THE things to play with. Sadly they've been replaced with DS games, Wii, Playstations and our imaginations are dull. Kids are smarter, but in a different way.

I miss the time when men, were men. No holes in their ears, no eyeliner, no fingernail polish.

Progress is neither swift nor easy, but is inevitable. I just want everyone to slow down, embrace the moment and not worry so much about tomorrow for it may never come.

The New Year is Here...Let's Catch Up

Having just read a delightful blog entry by my friend Tracy, I decided that maybe I should re-enter the blogging world; if for nothing else a creative writing release. I do wonder, who reads this anyway? And, who cares?

I haven't blogged since August and since then, life as I know it has forever been changed. In September, my dad's mom (MaMa Hart) fell down her basement steps and broke her shoulder. She went to the nursing home for rehab and was doing very well. She was content and really seemed to enjoy the company that the nursing brought. On October the 29th I was standing in the clerk's office getting ready to vote absentee when my mom rushed in and said that my dad called and MaMa Hart passed away. I was sad for me, but I was so sad for my dad. It doesn't matter how old you are--your momma, is your momma and you will always love her and always need her. We buried her in her red suit--just like she wanted--and I must say, she looked beautiful. She always loved jewelry and makeup and clothes; I'd like to think that I got that from her.



Ten short days after my MaMa passed away, came the biggest shock of my life. My dad passed away. I don't care how old you are--your daddy, is your daddy and you will always love him and need him. There really are no words that can describe the gamut of feelings I've felt since that day, so I won't even attempt it. While I know that he's at peace and the cancer that plagued his body is no more, it doesn't fill the void of knowing that my dad will never walk me down the isle; my dad will never hold my children; my dad isn't here. Oh sure, in spirit he's here...he's everywhere. Someone once told me that the veil between heaven and earth is so thin--that why couldn't he be here? Of course he can. So, in honor of my dad--we continue to live...we continue to love...and we continue to press on knowing that one day, we shall inherit what he already has.

Anyway, in the famous words of Annelle from my favorite movie, "Steel Magnolias"..."there are still good times to be had." In the midst of sadness, this is so true. Whether we like it or not, life does go on. We can either live with the changes or stay marred down in self pity. I choose to live and to love with every fiber of my being...and that's a loooooot of fiber!!

"Freeborn Man"

I haven't blogged in a "coons age" and we southerners know that means it's been a looooong time. There is no way I can write about everything that has happened since the last blog so I'll just start fresh and tell you about a cool experience I had last week.

I'll preface this by saying that I'm a big talker. If you know me, you already know this. I will talk to anyone, anytime, anyplace; mostly because I'm nosy and I believe that everyone has a unique story. I'd like to think of myself as another version of Oprah...the Conservative, Severely Underpaid Oprah (sans Steadman of course). So, last week I'm in Louisville at a training and am staying at the Hyatt downtown. Now this is a nice set-up: I'm close to 4th Street Live which I love and the Louisville Ironman was going on last week so all those hot, hard-bodied athletes were staying at my hotel. Needless to say, I gawked and drooled and drooled and gawked the whole week. I had never seen so many pretty legs in all my life! But that isn't the cool part. After dinner one night, Rhonda, Denise, Jamie (the Columbai girls) and myself (the lone Russell Countian) return to the hotel to just 'chill' for a few. We walk into the lobby and spot an older gentleman who is dressed a bit eccentric for his age. Jamie is certain that it's Bruce Jenner's brother. He sits alone in the lobby, so in true Oprah fashion, I sit down across from him and strike up a conversation. Long story short he tells me that he's in town because he's playing in a band at the state fair. I asked if he was in a band that maybe I'd heard of...he says I'm too young (got to love that) to remember the 1960's (and he's right, I don't even remember the 70's). I told him to not underestimate me because I'm a music lover and that I even love bluegrass music so I feel like I'm pretty well rounded. He then tells me that he is a member of Paul Revere and the Raiders (who?) AND that his name is Mark Lindsay AND that he wrote a little song called "Freeborn Man." Uh HELLO!! That is like a bluegrass anthem! So my ears perk up, and I sing the first line to him, "I was born in the southland" to which he finishes the line by singing, "twenty some odd years ago" and in unison we sing, "I ran away for the first time when I was only 4 year old I'm a freeborn man!"

That was a bizarre experience if you ask me.

I Suck at Blogging

Seeing as how I haven't blogged since January makes me question my existence in the 'blog world.' Who reads this stuff anyway? Aren't you keeping up with me on facebook already?

Quick recap of the past 10 months.

January: Saw Doyle Lawson & Quicksilver in Cookeville. Made a funny memory in the bathroom (I'll tell you about it later). Went to Murray, Ky and ate my first sushi (Thanks Adam Scott)...it wasn't bad at all. I actually want to try it again. Had a very fun time at the cabin with my fellow Dunnville Hornets (quote of the year from Mary Ann, "I'm SO upset!") Met two new wonderful friends (Tonnie and MaryAnn). Thanks Tracy for the introductions.

February: Went to Nashville to the Station Inn to see Luke Bulla and Bryan Sutton. Fun times. Heard the "Dick Reunion" Story and laughed until I hurt. I STILL laugh when thinking about it.

March: Reconnected with some wonderful former Somerset Physical Therapy co-workers.

April: Went to Keeneland and met "Dick in the Box." I wonder how old Dick is now...and I wonder if he misses me. Attended Lifesavers conference in Louisville--HAD A BLAST, but how could you NOT have a good time when you're with Eunice?

May: Fell apart this month...why do we get so torn up over boys? Started putting things back together when the girls hit Bonita Beach WIDE open for Tonnie's 40 and Fabulous beach tour. It was a much, much, MUCH needed break from life in Kentucky. Oh, and how could I forget? Shelley Haynes and I made our CMT video debut in Steve Azar's "Moo La Moo" video shoot at Mercy Lounge in Nashville.

June: MC'd pageants at the fair, joined my fellow Dunnville Hornets in Georgetown for a fun weekend, wrecked a staff car in Hazard and found out how crazy people really can be.

July: Relay for Life...benefit for a co-workers husband...working my tail off before the bluegrass festival.

August: Waterpark, Dunnville Hornets reunion at the cabin, BLUEGRASS FESTIVAL--YEAR 6--HUGE SUCCESS...turned 30...big birthday bash in Nashville with Tracy, Tonnie, MA, Deb and Jen.

September: Dock Party (what a night) with Kara, Adam, Derek, Amber, Luke and Richie...crash my fellow hornet Tracie's wedding (still waiting for Mary Ann to post pics)...spent the weekend with my college roommate, Jessica...and had a fun night of cornhole at Brooke and Bryan's. Oh, and I had a delightful lunch with Claudette (another former co-worker at Somerset Physical Therapy).

October: Attend high school classmate and friend, Josh Root's wedding...1st birthday party of a very special set of twins (Caroline and Courtney Haynes)...worked the Four Roses leg of the Bourbon Chase Relay Race with my college roommate...

November (so far...13 days in)...found out my best friend Kara is HAVING ANOTHER BABY!

Yes, in ways it's been a tough year. Seems like I've felt things I've never felt before and experienced things I never care to experience again. However, there are a few constants that remain --my wonderful family, my oh-so-sweet- nieces and nephews, my fabulous girlfriends--that make the one curve ball much more bearable.

At the beginning of this year, the things I thought would happen, haven't. Part of that is my own fault. I may have lost the battle, but I didn't lose the lesson. I've learned from things that's happened this year and am better for it. Maybe next year I won't set my goals so high...or maybe I just won't let my goals hinge on someone else. In 10 more months, I'll let you know how that works out for me.

Happy New Year!!

Oh gosh...I am so glad it's the new year! I am soooo over 2008. It really wasn't a year to remember for me. Not one to linger in the past, half of 2008 was spent in emotional turmoil over my dad's lung cancer/chemotherapy and honestly the rest was just somewhat of a blur. Oh sure, there were a few bright spots; the festival was a success, I made new friends, reconnected with some old friends, saw one of my best friends tie the knot and another give birth to her first--much anticipated--child. But, I am ready for 2009 and the potential it has to be my best year ever. You know, I'm turning the big 3-0 in 2009 and with my old age has come some wisdom.

This is what I vow for the new year:

The knowledge and understanding that 'MEN ARE LIKE TRAINS...THERE'S ALWAYS ANOTHER ONE.' If he doesn't treat me the way I deserve to be treated--then someone else will. No more of this 'waiting on him to change' business...that just doesn't happen.

Attitude is everything. I can make any situation better--or worse--depending on how I react to it.

I am the only one that can make me happy. I will no longer begrudge happy couples--or happy parents--of their happiness simply because I'm jealous. If I'm not happy to begin with, having the things I most long for wouldn't make me happy either.

I'm going to learn how to sew. I'm going to make something cool too.

I'm going to listen to as many old stories from my parents and relatives as I can. I could even write those stores down.

I'm going to study more American History...and read less romance (no wonder we women are never satisfied! We compare men to the MADE-UP men in books).

And finally, I'm going to just love life and meet 2009 head on--ready for whatever lay in store for me. As Tim McGraw would say, "I'm an Indian Outlaw"...oh no...wrong song, "Cry a Little Less...Laugh a Little More"...NOW we're talking.

I haven't blogged in 2 months!!!

Man, am I ever a slacker? I haven't logged onto my blog in like 2 months!! Needless to say it's been very, very busy. The good news is that in my 2 month absence, my car has been repaired. I really missed old "Black Attack" while she was in the shop; of course, I'm paranoid that it will happen again. If it does, you better believe I'm letting her burn to the ground though!! :D

In other news, the highway safety contract at my office is back so I can continue doing the job I love. If anyone needs anything highway safety related--I'm the gal to call. I've even had to learn about truck hitches AND how to back a trailer in the midst of this whole contract deal. But, again...I love it and I will not complain.

Also, being the total and complete nerd that I am, I've rediscovered my love for needlepoint. I highly recommend THE EYE OF THE NEEDLE in Lexington for all your needlepoint needs.

Now, onto other news...my dad has been really sick. He did so well with his first 3 chemotherapy treatments, but the 4th one proved to be very hard on him. He's been so weak--can't eat, can't drink, some days can barely maneuver around. It's really very difficult to watch the change happen. The doctors ordered a CT scan and the results were good; the doctor seems to think that the cancer is gone. As a precaution though, he wanted dad to take 2 more treatments but at a lower dose. He has one more--the week of Christmas--and then they will do another PET Scan to get more detailed results. I sure hope that he can start the road to recovery very soon. As hard as this has been on him, my mom has suffered too and that too is hard to watch. She is such a good caregiver; whatever he wants--she tries so hard to make sure he gets it.

Other than that, as Stewie Griffin would say, "the world keeps on spinning." Every day presents something new--sometimes good, sometimes bad...but always worth it.

There's An Old Flame Burning In My Car?!

Weird things happen to me. I get frostbite in August, my vision improves to almost perfect without surgical assistance and my car catches on fire.

As usual, I was running late this morning and decided that I would put on my foundation/blush at home, but fix my eyes when I got to the office. I roll into the LCADD parking lot around 8:20 and head to my office to begin returning phone calls and while on hold I discover a few stray eyebrows so I pluck them and then start putting on my eyeshadow when over the loudspeaker I hear, "CLARISSA HART COME TO THE FRONT OFFICE IMMEDIATELY!" I was about half irritated because, after all, I was on the phone (albeit on hold) and my makeup still wasn't finished. But, as duty calls, I must answer so I head up to the front office where I'm informed that my CAR IS ON FIRE!!! Uh, what?! My car? Is on fire? Are you KIDDING me? Sure enough, I look outside and there is smoke billowing from under the hood of old 'Black Attack.' I walk on outside, pop the hood and HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL--there are FLAMES shooting out from under the hood!! This is not a good sign. Something is obviously awry. Luckily, someone has enough sense to get the fire extinguisher and curb the fire. Once it's out, I realize that there will be people to call, people to see about this catastrophe and I am still only looking half put together. So I rush back inside, hurriedly throw on the rest of my eye makeup and begin calling the necessary people.

Moments later it looks like a memorial to my car. The hood is up and people are gathered around viewing the deceased. I wanted us to hold hands and sing, "Amazing Grace" but I didn't figure anyone would go for that. Soon the wrecker came and hauled my car away where the damage can properly be assessed. The next step in the whole process was giving a recorded statement to my insurance adjuster. It lasted 25 minutes and I answered a string of bizarre questions such as, 'what color were the flames that shot out?' and 'have you been in any altercations recently--or have any enemies?' or 'how long have you had that set of tires on your car?' and one of my favorite, 'how do you plan on getting home today?'

I am anxious to see how this all plays out for me and my 'hunka hunka burning love' car!

PICTURES HERE!!

Memoirs of a Bridesmaid

I left Russell Springs on Thursday morning for the mountains of Letcher County in Eastern Kentucky for my college roommate--and one of my best friends--wedding. After 3 plus hours on the road--and winding up and down mountain roads (DUSTY mountain roads I might add) I finally arrived at the Jenkins Country Club to find the bride-to-be and her family elbow deep in reception decorations, so I rolled up my sleeves and soon found myself in the middle of feather boas, crystal trees and loads of candy. The bride--who I will refer to as either Jessica or Joder depending on my mood--rescued me from the decorations and took me to the church so we could just WATCH the professionals decorate the church. Now, from the outside, this looked like just a normal old church; the sign said it was built in 1913. But, when we walked in the sanctuary, it was AMAZING! The stained glass windows were huge and absolutely gorgeous. Jessica told me that these windows came over from Italy and that they've tried to have them insured but can't because they are virtually priceless. On the outside, the windows have these ugly thick grey window coverings so that the stained glass won't be broken. Family ties aside, I understood completely why she wanted to get married here. I snapped out of my awe stricken state to get back to work for there were things to do--pulpits to move and arguments to be had over candelabras. Don't people know the bride is always right?! Finally, we call it a night and make the 30 minute trip to Pikeville where we are staying with Jessica's mom.

Day 2: Friday, October 3rd. I wake at 7:45 am and decide that although I look like a skank, I don't care because I'm just heading back to Jenkins for more DECORATING! First though, I had to go to the bridal store and pick up a bridesmaid's dress and Jessica's wedding dress. Then, I drive the 30 minutes to Jenkins. I arrive in Jenkins and am immediately assigned the task of driving into Whitesburg (also a town in Letcher County) to take Jessica's sister Emily to get her eyebrows waxed. Emily is very quiet, and as a big talker, quiet people make me nervous so we basically rode in silence to "The Copper Comb" which we later find out wasn't the hair shop where we were supposed to go. But anyway, the eyebrows got waxed and to make sure there was legitimate silence on the way back, I offered to let 16 year old Emily drive my car back to the country club. I was quiet...she was quiet...and we arrived in one piece; I call that MAJOR SUCCESS.

Now, back at the country club there were chargers to be put on each table, water goblets to be placed 'just so' and a million other little details to see to...all while the groom relaxes on the golf course as his BIG MAJOR task of 'getting the keg' has been completed. Just goes to show that a woman's work is never done. We realize that the rehearsal is drawing nigh so Jessica and I set out for Neon (yet another town in Letcher County)to the infamous "GRANNY AND PAPAW HOGG'S HOUSE" to shower and get ready for the rehearsal. I mention to Granny that I needed to iron my dress slacks to which she replies, 'just take them off and hand them to me and I'll go throw them in the dryer.' So, I did just what she told me and took refuge in her bedroom until she came back with my nice, warm, wrinkle-free slacks. That's the kind of people they are...they make you feel like family.

The rehearsal and the dinner following was pretty uneventful--not much to tell. I got to catch up with another one of my college roommates--Jessica Childers Morelock and with Jessica Dennis Mullins who is one of my best friends from college as well. We went back to the country to finish up and again hit the sack sometime after midnight.

THE BIG DAY--SATURDAY, OCTOBER 4TH!
I got to sleep until about 8:30/9:00, shower, dry my hair and drive on with all my wedding day supplies to the church. When I get there--YOU GUESSED IT--MORE DECORATING!!!!!! Thankfully though, it was very minimal. Most of the morning was spent being entertained by the flower girl--Lauren Mullins. She is one funny little girl. Lauren's mommy (Jessica Dennis Mullins) sang in the wedding and had us all crying while she was practicing...I love her voice. I tried to upload a video of her singing but it was taking FOREVER! Sorry...just trust me when I say that she is very talented.

We finally dried our eyes and headed back to our holding quarters to finish getting ready. I got my make-up on and then had to get the dress on, but more important than the dress was the SPANX. Jessica Mullins had to help me tuck the Spanx under my bra because I didn't want there to be any slippage going on. Finally I'm in the dress and then it hits me...Jessica Hogg is getting MARRIED! Wow! For as long as I've known Jessica, she's described her fantasy wedding to me--right down to the bouquet and the way she wanted to take her guests and grooms breath when they saw her for the first time in her dress. These are not the things I wanted to think about as I got ready to march down the isle in my burnt orange bridesmaids dress. But, when the time came and I went down that isle, all I could think about was how this truly was her day--the day she has always dreamed of. Then they opened those doors and there she stood with her dad and I couldn't help it--I CRIED LIKE A BABY! It's a good thing i wrapped Kleenex around my flowers. I cried the entire ceremony...partly because my feet were killing me. Thank goodness I was up against a wall so that when the preacher prayed his 23 minute prayer (well it SEEMED that long to me) I could lean up against the wall for a some relief. I'm pretty sure that will look great in the wedding video (sorry!).

As soon as the wedding was over, I kicked off those darned old heels and put on my flip flops; thank the Lord for small blessings. I drove to the reception only to find that I drove there with the sash to my dress hanging out the door of my car. Oh it doesn't stop there...I went to the bathroom and the ties to my corseted back dress went down in the toilet. They were only a little bit wet. I dried them as best I could and got ready to BOOGIE DOWN!! The dancing was great but the videographers had those cameras in our faces all night so I should apologize to the bride and groom now for all the horrible dance moves I came up with that night. I will also apologize for the 'white girl face' I do while dancing. All too soon, we lit our sparklers and sent the newlyweds on their way. However, with as much decorating that had been going on--NO ONE EVEN OFFERED TO DECORATE THE GET-AWAY CAR!! I think the groomsmen let us down on that one. MEN!! Such slackers.

And with that, I do believe my bridesmaids days are over. I have escaped with only having 5-6 dresses in my closet that will never be worn again. Someone should really make a movie about girls that are always the bridesmaid and never the bride and call it something catchy like "5 Dresses"...no, no...5 isn't enough. How about a random number like..."27 Dresses." Seriously, someone should make that movie!

All in all the weekend was a blast. It was good to meet new friends and reacquaint myself with old ones. It was good to see Jessica's dream wedding become a reality and to know that my hot dance moves will forever be immortalized!! CONGRATS MR. AND MRS. SCOTT CARTY!!

check out the wedding pics here!!

This is a test...only a test...

Just wanted to see if my new Picasa Web Album was working. If so, enjoy the pictures from my bluegrass festival in August.

Bald IS beautiful

Today was the day that my dad's hair lost its battle with cancer, BUT the good news is--the rest of him is still fighting!! The experience was better for me than I initially thought it would be and as always, his outlook is superb. I still think he's pretty cute.

Older and Wiser

It's official...my 20's are nearly over. I have 363 days left in the decade that brought a ton of change. From college to my first real job to the births of my nieces and nephews, THIS was the decade that let me have a front row seat to my friend's weddings and the births of their children and allowed me to realize that I'm officially a grown up now. How on earth did this happen? It really is true that we wish our lives away, never being content with the current phase of our lives. When you're in high school, you want to be in college. When you're in college, you want to get out of school and get a job. When you get that job you've longed for and the 9-5 becomes monotonous, you wish your college days were back. When you're single, you want to get married. Once you're married, often you miss the freedom that is associated with being single. Then comes the kids--and when they're small you want them to hurry up and be able to be a bit more independent. Then they grow up and you want them to be small again. At what point are we satisfied? It usually happens when we're too old to enjoy it (I'm not quite there yet). So, with my 363 days remaining in my 20's, I'm going to try my darndest to cherish every single moment I have with the people who make my life so full. I'm going to try to look back on this decade with utter and complete joy and realize that the best is yet to come.

Some Days You've Got To Dance

When I was a kid, my dad and some of his cousins and co-workers would get together to play music on the weekends. Naturally, my brother, sister and I were in attendance so we practically were weaned on bluegrass and country music. We learned early on that you can't have a bluegrass jam without--you guessed it--good clogging!! I vividly remember someone throwing sawdust down on the dance floor and everyone getting up and dancing. Man, those were the days!! Somewhere around 3rd or 4th grade I started taking clogging lessons and loved every minute of it. Although it's hard to see, here is a video of some cloggers at the festival this past weekend.


In other news, my dad goes in Thursday for a biopsy of his lung. He will be in the hospital for a few days and then will face a 2-4 week recovery period. Remember him in your prayers, please.

Fun Filled Weekend

The bluegrass festival is over and as always, I had a great time!! We had good music, beautiful weather, lots of clogging (I'm sore), and funnel cakes (need I say more?). Work begins next week to start planning the 2009 festival. There really is no rest for the weary. The only thing that bothered me about this years festival is that none of my friends came. Now, I know it's true that none of my friends are bluegrass lovers, BUT STILL it would have been nice to have had their support especially since this is something that I love so much. They have their spouses/children that they love and hold dear and I have the festival...so why can't they show up?? Don't I attend all those important things that matter to them--weddings, showers, births? It hurts my feelings a little; just looked at what they missed!

Bluegrass Is Coming!!

Well as most of you know, my labor of love for the past 5 years has been the "Lake Cumberland Bluegrass Festival." Our 5th festival is next weekend and let me tell you-I'm feeling the crunch!! It makes me wonder why on earth I do this to myself year after year; pushing the festival...advertising...soliciting donations...booking bands from all over the place...dealing with needy food vendors...feeling rejected when a business doesn't see my idea as GREAT and therefore they decline to sponsor...THEN it hits me:

I do this for a number of reasons. It's the feeling you get when people start actually showing up for something you've worked so hard on...when they thank you because they've had such a good time...when you look out into the crowd and you see someone singing along...when I decide I don't care how much my boobs and fat rolls might flop around--dang it--I'm getting up and clogging every time a fiddler takes off on "Sally Goodin"...when a grown adult hoops and hollers over a hot break on the banjo...when I see GREAT people that I would have never met otherwise...it's then I realize that nothing worth having is easy. Yes, it's hard work all year long for a 2day event, but I wouldn't trade those happy feelings (and happy memories) for anything in the world (not even to be the mother of Matthew McConaughey's next child).

Having said that--everyone is invited. I promise you'd have a good time!! August 15/16 @ KOA Campground in Russell Springs...be there or be talked about. :D